OVERSEAS SURROGACY

Xiao Bo and his partner of six years prepared well before they decided to have twins with a surrogate mother in Thailand -- commercial surrogacy is banned in China.

"We want desperately to have babies simply because we love children," says Xiao, who runs his own business in Guangdong.

The process, if everything goes smoothly, will cost them 40,000 to 50,000 U.S. dollars, he says. "The surrogacy agency doesn't guarantee success."

Now the three-month-old embryos are in the uterus of a Thai woman. The eggs were donated by a UK woman and fertilized in vitro with sperm from both men.

The nationality of the twins will be Thai, but the couple will take them back to China and use "guanxi"(connections to authorities) to obtain their legal papers.

They also plan to come out to their parents two months before the babies are born. "We need their help to care for the children," Xiao says.

There is a great demand for babies among Chinese gay couples, especially those in their 30s who want to settle down, said A Qiang, executive director of PFLAG China, an organization dedicated to eliminating the stigma attached to sexual minorities.

For obvious reasons, lesbians are much more likely to have children than gay men in China.

Due to stringent limits at home, some affluent gay couples have turned to overseas surrogacy services, with the US as the most popular destination, said A Qiang.

A customer service worker with US-Sino Infertility Bridge, Co., Ltd. said the company has helped 16 Chinese gay couples become parents and seven others had signed contracts.

With a total package costing 960,000 yuan (about 153,000 U.S. dollars), the agency helps connect customers with egg donors, host mothers, a fertility clinic and a lawyer in the US. It also pays for three attempts at in vitro fertilization.

"If you're not picky about egg donors and surrogate mothers, you need only about a year to see your baby," said the worker.

The solution is no panacea since the babies are denied hukou when they get to China, A Qiang said.

As an alternative to costly overseas surrogacy, some gay men choose to marry an unwitting heterosexual woman for a child, he said.

To prevent such tragedies, he said the ban on gay adoption should be lifted and policymakers should hear the needs of sexual minorities.

GOOD PARENTS?

Although little attention has been paid to same-sex parenting in China, people in some countries have long jousted in and out of courtrooms about whether children growing up with same-sex parents would face problems.

There is no recognized evidence that children raised by gay or lesbian parents have any "defects" or are more likely to be homosexual themselves compared with those brought up by traditional couples, said Yanhong Wheeler.

"As long as same-sex parents love their child wholeheartedly, he or she can grow up to be healthy," she said.

Her view was underpinned by a 2013 statement supporting gay parenting, released by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).

The organization, which represents more than 60,000 pediatricians, said it supports civil marriage for same-gender couples, as well as full adoption and foster care rights for all parents, regardless of sexual orientation.

In a 2006 article, AAP concluded that more than 25 years of research have found no link between parents' sexual orientation and their children's emotional well being.

However, vocal opponents remain, accusing the practice of breaking the "natural law" or going against "God's will".

Sexologist Zhang Beichuan has always encouraged lesbian couples to have a child if they want to, but suggests gay men think twice before making the decision.

"Relationships between gay men are markedly less stable than lesbian couples," Zhang said.

In addition, a common concern in academia is the impact of not having a male or female role model at home, he said. "Some same-sex parents I know are working to fill the void."

Yu and Nan are trying to make Nan's ex-husband part of the family. They invite him to most events at Yang's kindergarten and he visits her during holidays.

"We feel very grateful that he's willing to spend time with her," Yu says.

Li Chen has made similar efforts, but suffered a little setback recently.

He encouraged Becky to make a list of females she liked and choose one of them to attend a tea party organized by her school for Mother's Day last month. Her top choice, one of Li's friends, couldn't make it.

"It was just a little wish she had, and we couldn't help," he laments.

His consolation came a month later when he received a "Happy Father's Day" card from Becky. He posted a photo of the card online to share with friends.