Double income, need kids (3)

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By Zhang Wen (Global Times) 13:49, November 25, 2013

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Cultural conflict

The most important factor to consider for couples considering whether or not to stay the DINK course is what they value most in life, said Li Yinhe, a sociologist and sexologist who led a study on DINK couples in China in the late 1980s and has been a closer observer of the phenomenon.

"If [DINK couples] put personal enjoyment and happiness of their 'two-person world' first, they are most likely to remain DINKs. If they hold traditional Chinese values deeper in their hearts and put family [with children] first, they are more likely to change their mind," Li said.

Li said that when he began his research of the issue in the 1980s, few people were even aware of the DINK lifestyle. As big cities began experience economic booms, a surge emerged in well-educated, high-earning young couples prioritizing their careers and hobbies, such as traveling, over starting a family.

"Maybe [DINK couples] embraced more diverse values amid modernization and urbanization, but they are still the minority. Most of them are those who are somewhat influenced by Western values," Li said.

For women concerned about the process of having a baby yet still eager to uphold traditional family values, Li advises them to overcome their fears and go ahead with childbirth. For those who don't want kids to lower their living standards or compromise their personal pleasures, there is little chance of convincing them to give up their DINK lifestyle, according to Li.

DINKs with no regrets

Yang Tingting, 31, a coordinator of an international graduate program at a university in Beijing who has been married for two years, said that she doesn't want kids - at least for now. Even if she does eventually try to have a baby and can't conceive, she insists she won't regret her decision to have a DINK lifestyle.

"Both my husband and I are from the post-1980s generation. We have our own idea about how to live our lives instead of following the majority or traditions. We want more time to socialize and network with people to better develop our careers and enjoy life," Yang said. "Moreover, I'm not the kind of person who feels easily smitten at the sight of a baby."

Yang said the burden of raising a child in a first-tier city like Beijing is particularly heavy. Costs of childcare and enrolling at the best kindergarten can be crippling even for dual-income couples.

"I think it's irresponsible to have a baby yet lack enough money or time to raise them. It's poor parenting and unfair to kids if they are born just to fill their parents' inner void. A golden retriever can do this. [Children] grow into independent individuals who need respect," Yang said.

"I know some people who regret that they are now too old to have kids, but they still lead very rich lives filled with traveling and adventure. I don't think I will ever regret [having a DINK lifestyle]. I will just follow my heart."

Karl Johnson, 42, a professor at Beijing Normal University who has been married for more than a decade, has no children.

He said he hadn't really considered having kids before, but now he and his wife are thinking about adopting when they return to the United States.

"Sometimes I feel a little jealous when I see families with kids. Sometimes I wish we had kids. We like kids, but we are both in the agreement that we won't have any kids in Beijing. We might adopt when we get back in the States. It would be hard at home and even more difficult here. I am particularly concerned about the environment here," Johnson said.